we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
MIDGETS
????
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
