Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
