You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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