Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My dick has a subreddit
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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