Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Randomize
