she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
