This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
3pm strippers are depressing
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
