RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
