i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
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he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
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I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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