Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
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Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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