Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
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Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
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he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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