based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
