Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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