He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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