Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
