that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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