After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
