his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
