Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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