i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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