Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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