4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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