Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
