i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
