My cat gives me a boner
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
