im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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