Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
