You can't motorboat a personality
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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