Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
