i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think my moral compass just broke
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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