did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.