3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize