Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
