at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
