yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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