shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Randomize
