a search helicopter?!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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