I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize