I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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