in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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