I have demons in me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
