Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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