I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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