I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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