Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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