those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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