the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
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I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sprained my soul last night
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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