you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
