I'm going to jail i love you
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
