my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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