Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
