we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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