Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
