Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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