You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
