I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
