idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
